Consolidated Jokes

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AlexO
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by AlexO » October 7, 2019, 3:05 pm

A homeless man is travelling down a country lane. Tired and hungry he comes across a pub called
the *"George & the Dragon”*.
Although it's late and the pub is closed he knocks on the door.
The innkeeper's wife sticks her head out of a window.
"Could I have some food?" he asks.
The woman glances at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition and sternly says, "No!"
"Any chance of a pint of ale then?"
"No!" she says again.
"Could I at least sleep in your barn?"
"No!", by this time, she was shouting.
The down-and-out says, "OK Then may I please...?"
"May I what now?" the woman shouts impatiently.
*"May I please have a word with ...... George!!.



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AlexO
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by AlexO » October 9, 2019, 8:43 am

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.
She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?"
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?"
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again."
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
The husband whisper's to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
question because I want to a see where he's going with this."
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?"
"Yes I do." says the lady.
The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"

tinpeeba
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by tinpeeba » October 13, 2019, 2:24 am

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 am and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies "My wife."

TJ
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by TJ » October 14, 2019, 6:57 am

5685_thumb.jpg

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » October 14, 2019, 9:22 am

My wife said "I am giving all of the clothes I no longer wear to charity.!

I said "just throw them out."

She replied "there are a lot of starving people on Win a Dinner that could benefit from them.

I replied "anyone that fits your clothes is definitely not starving" .............. and now she is not speaking to me!

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » October 14, 2019, 11:48 pm

My wife said she's leaving because I'm obsessed with supermarkets...

"Do you want any help with your packing?" I said.

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tamada
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by tamada » October 19, 2019, 12:52 pm

A Scotsman walks into a bar and orders a drink. Usually there is an Englishman, an Irishman and a Welshman involved in this joke... but they are all still in Japan.

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » October 20, 2019, 6:29 am

There was a bit of confusion at Asda this morning.

Got my card out to pay for my groceries and the cashier said, 'Strip down facing me.'

Making a mental note to complain to the manager about the excessive security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.😌😩🤓🥴😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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