Consolidated Jokes

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » June 12, 2019, 10:56 am

My Dad,s was
Moshe visited his mate Uri who was scraping off the wallpaper in his lounge
Moshe asked URI “ re decorating?”
Uri replies” no, I’m moving next week “😳🧐😩🤓🤣🤣🤣

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Sateeb
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by Sateeb » June 12, 2019, 9:55 pm

The extension cord topic reminded me of this oldie but goodie. :shock:

Image

I'll pass thanks.

Image

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » June 12, 2019, 9:58 pm

Well it could happen 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓
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AlexO
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by AlexO » June 13, 2019, 6:15 am

I was at the Grocery store with Grandpa a retired airforce pilot when two Girls in *super short skirts* walked by.
Grandpa said, "Look at those *Jet Skirts*" as we both admired the two Ladies.
I had to know, what's a Jet Skirt?
Grandpa replied, "It's a Skirt so short that *when they bend over you can see the Cockpit.*"

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » June 13, 2019, 8:15 am

My wife was standing in her underwear, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment. 'I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect." ..... And then the trouble started...😳😳😩😩🤓🤓🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 13, 2019, 10:46 am

A man was lying on his bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles - something she obviously loved 2 do. As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?' 'Because' she replied, ' 'I miss mine so much '

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 13, 2019, 11:05 am

D84gf9DXUAAh_qG.jpg

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 14, 2019, 7:17 pm

D3kfCmLXsAY4BRz.jpg

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 14, 2019, 10:56 pm

Nominated my overweight mate for new reality TV show. Sent a photo in of him and everything. They refused him saying I'd got it wrong and the show is actually called 'fact hunt'.

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 14, 2019, 11:27 pm

David Beckham attended a football management seminar and when he got on stage he said,"Well I really like them because they make your breath all minty." The host replied, We're talking about tactics you thick ****."

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 15, 2019, 6:55 pm

D9GX1-KXUAIDXzQ.jpg

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 15, 2019, 7:03 pm

A cop stopped me and said "My dog has sniffed you and he's told me you are on drugs". I replied: "I'm on drugs? You're the one with the talking dog"

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 16, 2019, 8:40 pm

Just witnessed a man aggressively wielding a large bacon baguette running down the road and shouting "ALANS SNACKBAR!".

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by dunroaming » June 16, 2019, 10:40 pm

747man wrote:
June 16, 2019, 8:40 pm
Just witnessed a man aggressively wielding a large bacon baguette running down the road and shouting "ALANS SNACKBAR!".
Might help selling your house, good luck with that

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » June 16, 2019, 11:59 pm

One day a travelling salesman was driving down a country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.
He accelerated, but at 50 miles per hour, the chicken was still keeping up.
After about a mile of running the chicken disappeared up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane.
He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken.
"That"s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman.
"How do they taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer........

"We've never caught one."🧐🧐😩😩🤓🤓🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍

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