Consolidated Jokes

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » February 4, 2019, 6:58 am

After the death of my wife, for nearly a decade I found it impossible to be with another woman.
But now that I am out of prison I can say it was truly worth it 😳🧐😩🤓🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » February 5, 2019, 12:19 pm

Ode to the Sea

We went down to the seaside
Fishing for some dabs
I met a boy beneath the pier
And all I caught was crabs

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stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » February 5, 2019, 12:21 pm

I must go down to the sea again
To the wonderful sea and sky
I left my vest and pants there
I wonder if their dry

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » February 5, 2019, 12:39 pm

Jean and Joe go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and decide to order the chicken surprise
When it arrives the waiter leaves the pot in the middle of the table and as he leaves, the lid of the pot lifts up and a pair of eyes looks around and then the lid slams shut
Jean asks Joe did you see that, no he replies
So Jane asks Joe to look inside the pot. As he lifts the lid up, a pair of eyes looks around the room again
So Joe calls the waiter over and demands an explanation
The nervous waiter asks “what you order?”
Joe says the chicken surprise
The nervous waiter says “solly sir you got the wrong order, this is peeking duck”!😳😩🧐🤓🤓🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » February 5, 2019, 3:23 pm

Think I have now seen that same joke on Udonmap more times than I have heard Hotel California played in Day & Night ](*,)

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » February 5, 2019, 3:43 pm

stattointhailand wrote:
February 5, 2019, 3:23 pm
Think I have now seen that same joke on Udonmap more times than I have heard Hotel California played in Day & Night ](*,)
Well I Did tell him a few weeks ago, NOT to give his Day Job Up,He just said it was Too late for that,He already had !!

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stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » February 5, 2019, 4:26 pm

Problem is, his day job is in the recycling factory :-&

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » February 6, 2019, 12:37 pm

51311755_558212564696815_34478657422491648_n.jpg

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » February 6, 2019, 12:38 pm

51552749_557969061387832_3249218097445339136_n.jpg

TJ
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by TJ » February 6, 2019, 9:21 pm

A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper.

The counselor asks, "What's the problem?

The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.

She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished and swished, and he calmed down. How does swishing Jack Daniel's in your mouth do that?

The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » February 8, 2019, 11:13 am

Dy0mCWnWsAEs8nx.jpg

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » February 8, 2019, 10:07 pm

Dy5BY2qWkAAb3yl.jpg

dunroaming
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by dunroaming » February 8, 2019, 10:17 pm

747man wrote:
February 8, 2019, 10:07 pm
Dy5BY2qWkAAb3yl.jpg
Alan stick to this thread u make us laugh

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » February 11, 2019, 4:19 pm

Well!!!
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AlexO
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by AlexO » February 11, 2019, 5:34 pm

Sitting in a bar, a Scotsman says, "As good as this pub is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said an Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said an Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims but the Irishman swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?" they asked .
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

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