Consolidated Jokes

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » January 9, 2019, 5:03 pm

why?
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stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » January 9, 2019, 6:17 pm

coz there's nobody left in the UK to receive them, everyone has Brexited

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » January 9, 2019, 6:36 pm

You fail to understand what Brexit means my friend

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » January 9, 2019, 7:41 pm

DweBfpDWoAAj_Lo.jpg

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fredwilliams
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by fredwilliams » January 9, 2019, 9:24 pm

The bloke who invented dog biscuits passed away the other day.

'e woz a good boy. Yes, 'e woz.

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » January 10, 2019, 6:59 pm

DwfKzEtWkAI5pix.jpg

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » January 10, 2019, 10:25 pm

DwgCD84WkAEUt_U.jpg

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » January 11, 2019, 6:50 am

Apparently Julie Andrews stopped advertising Rimmel Vibrant Shades lipstick as she said it breaks too easily and made her breath smell
In a statement she said
“The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis “😳😩🤓🧐🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » January 11, 2019, 10:44 am

vidmaster wrote:
January 11, 2019, 6:50 am
Apparently Julie Andrews stopped advertising Rimmel Vibrant Shades lipstick as she said it breaks too easily and made her breath smell
In a statement she said
“The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis “😳😩🤓🧐🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Oh Dear !! Don't give the day job up,Just Yet ...... :lol: :lol: :lol:

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » January 11, 2019, 11:09 am

Too late I gave it up 18 years ago😎😎😎😎😎😎

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AlexO
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by AlexO » January 12, 2019, 2:31 pm

Tesco installed a medical machine that for £5 and a urine sample, would diagnose any condition. When my mate went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed,my mate wondered if he could fool the machine. He mixed tap water with dog poo, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pleasured himself into the mixture. When he tipped it into the machine the next day, the printout read: 1. Ur tap water is too hard. Use softener. 2.Ur dog has ringworm. Giv it antibiotics. 3.Ur daughter is on cocaine. Get her to rehab. 4.Ur wife is Xpecting twins. Not urs. Get a lawyer. 5.If u keep playing with yourself, ur fuckin elbow wont get better! Thank u for shopping at Tesco

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » January 12, 2019, 2:39 pm

Finding a woman in tears along side her car a soldier passing by asked what is the problem
The woman explained that she has lost her car keys and cannot open the car door
So the soldier immediately removed his trousers,rolls them up into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door and it immediately opens“
The woman was amazed and asks how did you do that?
He said I t’s easy, these are my khakis 😳😩🧐😜🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😳😳🤣🤣🤣

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » January 12, 2019, 7:05 pm

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Drunk Monkey
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by Drunk Monkey » January 12, 2019, 8:25 pm

747man wrote:
January 10, 2019, 6:59 pm
DwfKzEtWkAI5pix.jpg
747 ... must say

THATS THE BEST IVE HEARD / READ IN AGES ..10 out 10 young Alan :D

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » January 12, 2019, 9:40 pm

Drunk Monkey wrote:
January 12, 2019, 8:25 pm
747man wrote:
January 10, 2019, 6:59 pm
DwfKzEtWkAI5pix.jpg
747 ... must say

THATS THE BEST IVE HEARD / READ IN AGES ..10 out 10 young Alan :D
Errrrrrrrrrrr,I Hope that's not Sarcasm,Jon Boy.... :shock: :shock:

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