Consolidated Joke Thread

[747man]

A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a Bud. He says, “Give me a beer before problems start!” The bartender doesn’t understand but gives the man a beer. After 15 minutes, the man orders a beer again saying, “Give me a beer before problems start!”

The bartender looks a little bit confused but pours the man a beer. This goes on the whole night and after the 15th beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “What do you mean with before problems start? And when are you going to pay for all the beers you drunk?”

The man answers “You see, now the problems start!”

[747man]

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, “Martha, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.”

And every year Martha would say, “I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, “Martha, I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.”

Martha replied, “Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”



The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal, I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars.”

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”

Stumpy replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.

[747man]

Two couples go on vacation together. After a week, they are thoroughly bored.

The men decide that maybe life will take on new meaning if they change partners. They all agree that it’s an experiment worth trying.



The morning after the switch, one of the husbands says, ”I’m glad we tried this. It was exhilarating. Come on, let’s go in the other room and see how the girls got on.”

[747man]

Ummmmmmmmmmm !!

SAD NEWS A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after 1 minor fu*k up. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the job he loved.

A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

[dunroaming]

Ummmmmmmmmmm !!

SAD NEWS A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after 1 minor fu*k up. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the job he loved.

A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

What a shame for him. Are they still together or did the "bitch" leave him

[747man]

Ummmmmmmmmmm !!

SAD NEWS A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after 1 minor fu*k up. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the job he loved.

A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

What a shame for him. Are they still together or did the "bitch" leave him

Well Yer KNOW What some of them are like.....

[747man]

*NOT A Joke *.....True Story from The U.K.....

I've just seen the news about Muslim staff in M&S refusing to sell alcohol.
Whatever next?
Christian staff in B&Q refusing to sell nails and wood ?????

Whothe Fu*k is in charge HERE......Oh ! It's Them !!!

[747man]

Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?”

The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.” Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”

[dunroaming]

*NOT A Joke *.....True Story from The U.K.....

I've just seen the news about Muslim staff in M&S refusing to sell alcohol.
Whatever next?
Christian staff in B&Q refusing to sell nails and wood ?????

Whothe Fu*k is in charge HERE......Oh ! It's Them !!!

So what's next no more bacon pork scratchings to go with the alcohol they already refuse to serve omg what's the world come too. On a bright side the Irish just signed a deal with Saudi Arabia for a million tons of sand and they are going to drill for their own oil

[stattointhailand]

*NOT A Joke *.....True Story from The U.K.....

I've just seen the news about Muslim staff in M&S refusing to sell alcohol.
Whatever next?
Christian staff in B&Q refusing to sell nails and wood ?????

Whothe Fu*k is in charge HERE......Oh ! It's Them !!!

So what's next no more bacon pork scratchings to go with the alcohol they already refuse to serve omg what's the world come too. On a bright side the Irish just signed a deal with Saudi Arabia for a million tons of sand and they are going to drill for their own oil

That plan is now Off ....... Paddy broke the "bit" on his Black & Decker :-&

[747man]

[stattointhailand]

DioeBIDWsAAmDXm.jpg

What total load of Bollox ......... EVERYONE knows that nobody in Cardiff/Swansea or Newport know how to speak welsh

[747man]

DioeBIDWsAAmDXm.jpg

What total load of Bollox ......... EVERYONE knows that nobody in Cardiff/Swansea or Newport know how to speak welsh

But They Do in RHYL BoYo....

[vidmaster]

🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐

[747man]

[dunroaming]

Not sure which topic to post this under but I heard Everton and going to build a new stadium and win the premiership this century now that's got to be a joke lol

[vidmaster]

why?

[stattointhailand]

coz there's nobody left in the UK to receive them, everyone has Brexited

[vidmaster]

You fail to understand what Brexit means my friend

[747man]