Consolidated Jokes

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 12, 2018, 8:23 pm

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Nigglyb
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by Nigglyb » June 13, 2018, 3:39 am

The England football team visited an orphanage in Russia today.
“It was heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope” said Vladimir aged 6
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » June 13, 2018, 2:10 pm

I made a bed out of old magazines and now I have back issues.

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 13, 2018, 3:28 pm

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 13, 2018, 3:29 pm

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » June 14, 2018, 10:28 am

I've got two tickets for the #WorldCup2018 final, but I didn't realise it will be on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you're interested and want to go instead of me, it's at St Andrews church in Brighton, the girl is called Sarah and she’s very nice....

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » June 14, 2018, 11:50 am

My boss said he's going to fire everyone with bad posture. I have a hunch it might be me.

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » July 18, 2018, 2:41 pm

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the ‘catholic’ priest masturbating

He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating” the priest replied, "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why father ?" he asked

"Because my wrist is killing me” the priest replied

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » July 18, 2018, 9:04 pm

Got sacked from my job at B&Q today.

My boss came over and said "he wants decking".

Luckily I got the first punch in.

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GT93
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by GT93 » July 19, 2018, 8:03 am

It's great to see 747man in such fine form with the new football season drawing near. \:D/

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » July 19, 2018, 7:48 pm

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » July 20, 2018, 6:16 pm

A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor.

"How's the stutter?", asks the doctor.

"It's g-getting better. My mate calls me D-Donkey," replies the man.

"Any idea why?" The doctor asks.

"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that."

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » July 20, 2018, 7:30 pm

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Rocking Tim
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by Rocking Tim » July 20, 2018, 10:19 pm

old Burt finally retires & with his lump sum decides to treat himself to something he has always wanted
a pair of really expensive cowboy boots.
spends all weekend trawling the town centre & eventually settles on the snazziest leather cowboy boots he can find.
he gets home & proudly stands in front of the wife with his boots on & asks her if she notices anything different.
she looks him up & down & then says, NO.
a pissed off Burt storms off upstairs.
comes back down 5 minutes later stark bollock naked apart from just his cowboy boots.
NOW do you notice anything different
again she looks him up & down & again she says NO .
Now in a real rage, he points down to his boots & says to her LOOK down there, where my PRICK is pointing to.
oh yeah she says now I see. What a shame you didn't buy a cowboy Hat

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » July 21, 2018, 12:01 pm

Two accountants were in a bank when a gang of armed robbers burst in. While some of the robbers snatched bundles of cash from the tellers, others lined the customers up against the wall and relieved them of their wallets, watches and other valuables.

As the robbers moved down the line, one accountant pressed something into the hand of the other accountant.

“What’s this?” said the second accountant without looking down.
His colleague replied: “It’s that $100 I owe you.”

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