My point is that I prefer she use the money for monthly bills and food for family and medical and dental expenses. I have been giving her a monthly sum to take care of all this over the past ten years. I have built a house for us and our daughter and one for her parents on the same property. I want her to be able to pay the bills and not have to eat dirt or the dreadful chickens, rats and snakes, that roam the property. She has a car and a new motorbike which I hope she can maintain and not have to sell because she went beyond the amount I put in Bank for cremation party.christian_2013 wrote: ↑February 9, 2018, 6:23 pmLoneTraveler I can understand your concerns and your love for your wife and the future monetary wellbeing of your wife when you are no longer around.LoneTraveler wrote: ↑February 9, 2018, 1:58 pmI gave it some thought about returning to the US if I had the heads up about the dying process however, my Thai wife insists I be cremated in the village Buddhists Temple, I relinquished. My concern is the cost of the whole affair. I told her I want everything done in 1 day, barbecue and all. I do not want her to spend such a large amount just to satisfy her relatives and friends, so they can eat and get drunk and keep the entire village from sleeping for 3 or 4 days. She says she has to spend at least 100000 Baht but more than likely, a lot more. Therefore, my wishes for her future and well being in monetary terms, will be diminished to save face. Therefore, a portion of the the money designated for her future well-being, will be spent within 2 or 3 days (instead of at least 2 years,) on tradition. However, I do understand how important this event is to her future standing among family and friends. I do not want her to be shamed as being cheap by Thai standards.
And what really bothers me is there are only certains days within a week where you can proceed to the temple. So if you die on a Saturday, they may not do the cremation until tuesday. So this gives the family and friends and alerts anyone who hears music that the party is ongoing until your remains are placed in the back of a pick-up truck and the funeral procession takes place. Hopefully, (determined by my believes about the great beyond) I won't have to listen to that dreadful music while laying in my refrigerated lodging for 2 to 4 days.
But maybe you are not understanding her culture and how they look at death, which is quite different to how we are bought up to fear death, they don't. From my understanding of the Thai funerals I have been to unlike western funerals being a pretty morbid experience, the Thai funeral is a celebration of one's life not death and the whole experience of the Buddhist culture to me is one of merit making to get to the next life, regardless of what we might think, unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, how your life is celebrated when you pass by your wife has very little to do with you and putting a monetary value on it as often men do could be insulting to her as she would like to celebrate your life culturally on how she was bought up in her faith from birth.
Personally I would not worry about the monetary side of things, money is not a celebration of one's life, it's only a piece of paper that burns quicker than you will at the Temple. And the music how can you awaken the spirits to guide you to the next life, maybe thats why they play that music so the spirits are awakened and they say jobs on we need to help LoneTraveler through the door. I am not religious but if that is ones's faith then who am my to question it.
Myself if my wife wants to blow money on celebrating my life then so be it, that will mean no change from when I was in the land of the living.
I agree with most of what you said here but I don't agree with the money be damned because of her Buddhist believes. And I know she has strong feelings about her Buddhist beliefs but it will not pay the bills, feed the family or pay for health and dental. She is now undergoing expensive dental care, I would hate to see this end.
And as another member stated here, I too have a son buried in a plot I purchased for my family back in the US and it would be a comfort to be with him but my Thai wife takes precedence at this point in my life. I just want her to be able to afford her current lifestyle for at least 3 years. Then she can take her time finding a job that will at least help her pay the bills, or a new boyfriend or husband who will carry on for her. She just turned 32 and we have a 10 year old daughter. She cannot understand why I am so concerned about her future. Her response is mia pen ria. I guess I will have to live with that, perhaps I am just paranoid. Who knows I may live for another 20 to 30 years which will make me a very very old man.