Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Long distance relationships, mixed relationships etc...
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AlexO
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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by AlexO » January 27, 2017, 1:49 pm

Liam
Its not, she has him well warned (the English guy) if he ****s up her income from the Doctor from Amelica he's finished.
They walk past each other on the same floor on the apartment block. Never spoke to the Amelican myself apart from the usual Hi etc but it seems as long as he has exclusive rights for the 2 weeks he is here then he's happy. Nowt stranger than folk.



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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by skinner » January 27, 2017, 2:06 pm

trubrit wrote:
StupidFarang wrote:So you think 40 000 is a reasonable amount? Well i dont agree. Am I wrong? I could have given her more than 10 000...im not a cheapskate...but starting claim 40 000? Pls...hope I havn't done mistake here... :shock:
10,000bht.Well here in my village there is a lass that readily accepts that amount to not work bar, from 3 different punters. Mind you when they are off back home she is straight back to Phuket, she absolutely enjoys the bar life. When one is coming back she meets him in Bangkok, claiming her air fare from Udon of course, then escorts him home , where he stays at her parents house in an air conditioned room which she had specially installed for him to make him comfortable. Lol.Mind you all three thought they paid for it , as with all the small improvements recently installed including a complete garden wall round the property with gates .She is not at all ashamed to let everyone know, in fact she seems quite proud of it .Until the day two choose to come at the same time she will get away with it . Even then no doubt she'll wriggle out . :roll:
The lack of shame is quite amazing, but I think she knows most Thais wouldn't say anything . My g/fs family regularly gossip about one local "mia farang" who buys all the whisky for the young guys in her village as soon as her husband goes away, she gets plenty of c"k, and as soon as hubby is back she is sweetness and light .Nobody says a thing .

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by AlexO » January 27, 2017, 6:39 pm

Lets face it, i would reckon that a fair percentage of the guys (Falangs) who live here are not on their first marrige/first relationship. Most of the girls working/married to Falangs are probably not proud of what they had to do to keep kid in school, take care Ma and Pa, pay for brothers motorbike etc. We Falangs are sometimes not perfect so just quietly say JEEZ I am happy and hope she Take Care Me for the last few years.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by StupidFarang » January 28, 2017, 5:30 am

AlexO wrote:Not saying how much is reasonable SF just saying 10K is not really an amount of money that she can live on comfortably, especially if there is Ma and Pa and maybe a child involved. I know girls in Pattaya who do not work bar but have multiple sponsors sending way more than 10K a month each just so they can spend 2 weeks a year vacation with them. ?????? Just be careful and listen to the advice "Long Range" relelationships rarely work.
I am lucky to be able to stick to 45k a month but I have 5 to take care of plus dogs and everything else including too much beer. Good luck however it goes.
Thanks AlexO. I'll take your comments into consideration.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by StupidFarang » January 28, 2017, 5:39 am

trubrit wrote:
StupidFarang wrote:So you think 40 000 is a reasonable amount? Well i dont agree. Am I wrong? I could have given her more than 10 000...im not a cheapskate...but starting claim 40 000? Pls...hope I havn't done mistake here... :shock:
10,000bht.Well here in my village there is a lass that readily accepts that amount to not work bar, from 3 different punters. Mind you when they are off back home she is straight back to Phuket, she absolutely enjoys the bar life. When one is coming back she meets him in Bangkok, claiming her air fare from Udon of course, then escorts him home , where he stays at her parents house in an air conditioned room which she had specially installed for him to make him comfortable. Lol.Mind you all three thought they paid for it , as with all the small improvements recently installed including a complete garden wall round the property with gates .She is not at all ashamed to let everyone know, in fact she seems quite proud of it .Until the day two choose to come at the same time she will get away with it . Even then no doubt she'll wriggle out . :roll:
I see...but the big question is...does this apply to the majority of these girls? I mean...on the internet you can read a ton of stories about guys who have crashed and burned...but how many will log on just to write how happy they are, and how things worked out well for them in the end? This applies to everything written on the internet...you buy something, it doesn't work like it should, and you write a pissed of review, wether it's a hotel room, your computer etc. But when it works...what percentage leaves a raving review about it? I know I seldom do, exept in some rare cases. When i started this thread i knew I would get a lot of different opinions. I appreciate every single advice you guys have given me, thanks a lot! Much appreciated :)

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by Khun Paul » January 28, 2017, 6:56 am

When I first came here, I saw females saying good-bye to one foreigner in the departure lounge and hello about 5 mins later to a new foreigner in the arrivals, so it is nothing new.
If you get to know Thais although they say nothing ( culture ) they think and speak amongst themselves. Publically they will not show any disdain for the errant female privately it is another story.
I know plenty of men who have met ladies through bars etc, a goodly majority make a good go of it and smaller percentage make a success of the relationship. I tried and failed .
Many who made a success of it actually went back to their own countries with said g/f, wife and it was that, that changed their ( g/f, wife ) outlook and perspective on life generally.
How much you pay , well that is a personal decision, you pay what you feel comfortable with, knowing all the facts or not as the case maybe.
Many ( Thai ladies ) still view even a loving relationship as a job, as do their parents and expect cash at the drop of a hat to pay for this and that , the monetary value of services rendered is becoming outdated and shows many ladies , as what they really are, gold -diggers, who by definition are not really nice people.
WE ( farang ) seek some solace for our worldly needs and comfort in knowing that the relationship is one on one, the constant knowledge that she could at the drp of the hat seek comfort in another mans arms when you are not there, or as you get older while you are there, gnaws at you mentally .
It makes you unhappy and disillusioned with life , something we possibly left our own countries because of . Many say it does not matter, as they lie to you they are also lying to themselves, deep down they are hurting and are very unhappy, no-one wants to made a fool of, so, they will not admit to themselves what is happening, I know of a few to whom it has happened and see them crumble when they admit / learn the situation. I know of one man who paid handsomely for a very pretty lady to take care of him , when he went to bed, she went out and enjoyed all the pleasures on offer, he did not know ( or maybe he did ) , but as he was happy no-one told him. he died happily before he really know, we are often complicit in the charade, not talking and viewing the wealthier man as a silly fool.
Life here for many Thais is hard, we object to how and what they do to survive, but I do feel that as we are paying the bill as it were, we can ask for some loyalty and honesty, those things are often in short supply here unfortunately.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by newtovillagelife » January 28, 2017, 7:44 am

We (falang) should also realize we are not fooling anyone. When the age difference between you and your spouse is twenty years or more, what do you expect. Why would a young girl in your home country want to be with you, if not for the money and security, unless they have a wrinkle fetish...lol

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by Jello » January 28, 2017, 1:59 pm

UFF DA!

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by glalt » January 28, 2017, 5:38 pm

It is true that most stories you hear are horror stories. My horror story was from America so it is not worth the time to tell about it. I had a VERY bitter and expensive divorce. I got ripped off big time. The happily married guys here seldom post on forums and are simply enjoying life. I'm glad to say that I am in the happy group.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by Liam Dale » January 28, 2017, 6:07 pm

glalt wrote:It is true that most stories you hear are horror stories. My horror story was from America so it is not worth the time to tell about it. I had a VERY bitter and expensive divorce. I got ripped off big time. The happily married guys here seldom post on forums and are simply enjoying life. I'm glad to say that I am in the happy group.
Same here glait.. respect and a happy Chinese NY to you n yours.. even though we dont know each other.. (cept I didnt have a horror story after 30 marriage n divorce.. was easy./clean n cheap. ) here no issues.. EVER... excellent wife.. ok she doesnt drink.. but sometimes gets a bit excited after 3 green teas.. rocknroll.. ;-)

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by glalt » January 28, 2017, 7:27 pm

Maybe it's worth mentioning that you don't want to pick them too young. Maturity is lacking in the young ones. My wife was considered an old maid at 36 years old. She had never been married nor had any children. After living with her for a year, I asked her if she wanted to get married. She's not the romantic type and her answer was "why". I told her that there were some tax benefits for me and she thought that was a good enough reason. There was no sinsod and no wedding party. Just going to a decent restaurant after the ceremony with her sister and husband who were our witnesses. She is now 49 years old and still puts up with me.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by Liam Dale » January 28, 2017, 7:35 pm

glalt wrote:Maybe it's worth mentioning that you don't want to pick them too young. Maturity is lacking in the young ones. My wife was considered an old maid at 36 years old. She had never been married nor had any children. After living with her for a year, I asked her if she wanted to get married. She's not the romantic type and her answer was "why". I told her that there were some tax benefits for me and she thought that was a good enough reason. There was no sinsod and no wedding party. Just going to a decent restaurant after the ceremony with her sister and husband who were our witnesses. She is now 49 years old and still puts up with me.
Made me smile glait.. its surprisingly a good feeling to find kindred situations.. when so much here from others can make you frown.. we too had no sinsot and no wedding party.. my wife thought it was more sense to punt the monies into the mortgage and get our house clear. My wife = 47.. Im 58.. we work together for 15 hours every day with our little business.. and the same.. she puts up with my yacking sometimes.. and ALWAYS smiles with the very best of twinkly eyes..and I take care all the cats n rubbish..

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by Liam Dale » January 28, 2017, 7:51 pm

Oh.. on this thread for real.. I have a nameless client.. 58 years old.. married a 25 year old.. after paying sinsot etc.. she suddenly developed fainting fits.. it didnt work out of course.. and he paid her off more money to make sure her relatives didnt kick the proverbial out of him. He paid a total of 1.5 MILLION for 3 months of chewing on mediocre cat gash.. I kid you not.. AND he is a DOCTOR.. ffs.. so.. perspective eh.. Its a TRUE story. Wish he wanted to invest in my stuff. :-) Who knows if he will learn..

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by Udon Map » January 28, 2017, 9:37 pm

OK, this thread has veered way off topic; and I bear some of the responsibility for that. So let's get back to StupidFarang's original question and continue discussing that.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by jimjay » January 29, 2017, 12:29 am

StupidFarang wrote:
trubrit wrote:
StupidFarang wrote:hope I havn't done mistake here... :shock:
She is not at all ashamed to let everyone know, in fact she seems quite proud of it .Until the day two choose to come at the same time she will get away with it . Even then no doubt she'll wriggle out . :roll:
I see...but the big question is...does this apply to the majority of these girls?
There's no way to cast it in percentages.

The women here are either after the money only, which we term the 'bad' girls, or the security that money and possibly a real relationship brings, the 'good' girls.

We men are after either the $.3.x. and status only, which they term the 'bad' guys, or the security that having a devoted wife or girlfriend brings, whom they might term the 'good' guys.

StupidFarang no offence intended, but in my opinion it's time to wrap this up. It's down to splitting hairs at this point as to the general mindset & behaviour of the fair lasses.

We've broken it down to an atomic level. Are we now getting into quarks, leptons and neutrinos LOL? 8)

Deal with the rest by going in yourself direct. This is what men do. Live & learn by doing. There's a limit as to how useful outside input on this subject is.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by StupidFarang » January 29, 2017, 3:12 am

I certainly get you point jimjay. Thanks for all your input guys, i have learned quite a bit of useful info :)

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by glalt » January 29, 2017, 12:38 pm

I did watch those two videos. While they nay be worth watching for some guys, they are basically bargirl 101. Over many years here, I have heard slow learners say many times that my girl is different. Most guys will know everything the video says after being here for six months. I noticed that there is no mention of phony guys who actually brag about cheating the ladies. I have absolutely no use for those scumbags. Fortunately the ladies are perceptive enough to spot them quickly.

The love crap is way exaggerated. Any even semi intelligent lady would never want to marry a guy who can't afford to take care of them. You don't have to be wealthy but you do need enough money to live comfortably. Guys who come over here with a pocket full of money eventually spend it all and the love of their life runs off. Why would the lady stick around? That leads to the bitter posts saying what terrible people Thai ladies actually are.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by miamaimee » January 29, 2017, 3:31 pm

OP, some facts and advice in no particular order.

It was stated earlier in the thread that 10,000 is minimum wage. This isn't true, the minimum wage just got a small bump I believe and is now 300-310 baht per day depending on province. In theory this would work out to around 6-7k if they're working full time.

10k is also enough to rent a modest home in most parts of the country including Surin. I've seen studio apartments in Bangkok for 3k. Have seen 1 bedroom go for 60k. Location, location, location.

10k is also nothing if you've had a taste of the sex industry on Samui and guys are shagging you for 2000 a pop. A real looker can make that in one night during high season. It's not that much if you're a mid to senior level professional in Bangkok making 50-80k a month, either.

With huge income stratification comes massive variance in people's attitudes, values etc. Much more so here than in Scandinavia.

That said, taking care of family is hugely important to most Thais, to the point that suggesting anything to the contrary may offend them. A girl as young as the one you met often doesn't have much agency outside of what her mom and dad tell her to do. They might even be the ones who told her to go work in the bar--it happens. If they tell her to ask the farang for 40k, she does it. A lot of Thais have lived hard lives and they like to accumulate physical assets such as land, property and gold. Their sons and daughters are frequently a means to this end.

So the #1 rule when it comes to relationships in Thailand is make sure you understand mom and dad extremely well before you get serious about it. Many farang ignore this rule, some end up happy in their relationship in spite of it, many do not.

Of course exceptions exist, and things are changing slowly. Thai women do become more independent of their family as a result of things like growing older, traveling abroad, or studying at Thammasat.

As a Thailand newbie your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to learn more about its people, language and culture. You may or may not like what you find. Figure out how to spend as much time as possible here and start making connections. You are a guy in your mid 40s who presumably has some kind of career. More and more this is becoming a country in which you can continue that career. Or, you can get a retirement visa at 50. Or, something else. There are many ways to make the move. Getting involved with a Thai woman and not making it, however, is a fool's errand IMO.

There are some truly wonderful women in Thailand. They're capable of a level of intimacy here that I've never seen from a western woman. There are also many looking to take you and your wallet for a ride. Right now you have a big brand on your forehead that says "EASY MARK," and the users are going to be attracted to you because of that. With time and experience that mark will fade.

The best thing in your first few years here is not to take relationships too seriously, enjoy the bars for what they are--entertainment businesses--but don't get too caught up in them. As you start to learn the ropes you can wade into the rest of the country and culture without looking like too much of an idiot.

I hope you stick around. Good luck!

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by StupidFarang » January 30, 2017, 2:53 am

Thanks for a great and very informative post miamiamee! All taken into account, and will be added to what i already have learned.

I must admit when started this thread i blamed the girl, and could not understand how someone could possible be like this. I now see that it is my own damn fault...even if my intentions were the best, and wanted to do something nice for her, I see now that it was my own actions who lead to this. Spending money on her like that, and buying her an expensive gift...using money like a drunken sailor (no offence to sailors!)......this lead to disaster. Me not realizing that i acted as a complete idiot. Who wouldn't take advantage of this situation when you have nothing else...even if promises were made...promises that have certainly been made a lot of times, only to be broken time and time again. Why on earth would she possible trust me, making these promises she thought was certainly just a big pile of b*******, as usual?

I started out this thread with a fair amount of bitterness, but I now will for sure not be the one crying and complaining about Thai girls in general, because of my stupid actions. I have learned a lot. Thank you! I fell in love with Thailand, but I understand that you need to know something about the culture before you undertake a journey like mine. I have got hold of some books, and will do a bit of reading...and together with your sound advice i will be in better shape next time around. And it most certainly will be a next time :)

As a side note, she is still in Surin waiting (i know 100%), and are not willing to give up. Sending messages asking when I will return, calling me on messenger crying when I say i dont know, and I am trying to end things in a proper way, not just tell her to f*** off. I feel guilty for putting her in this situation, I am not made of stone, but im sure she will be okay and move on to whoever is next.

Again, thank you!

Edit:

Oh, I forgot to tell you about this interesting twist to the story! My friend who I was travelling with, knows this katoy that have been in the bar business for many years. She knows all the tricks of the trade, and had previously owned several bars in the area, We met up with her and agreed that the four of us was going to go out to eat, and she would help me get a picture of the situation. She was sceptical before we went out. We sat and talked, and my friends katoy friend had some long conversations with the girl, me of course not knowing what they spoke about. Had a good time. Later to my surprise, the katoy says to me that without really knowing this girl of course, she thought she was really serious and sincere, and said to me that I should give it a go!! I think this was the final straw that made me act on agreeing sending here home...

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by jimjay » January 30, 2017, 4:22 am

So just go visit her and tell her you didn't know how *anything* here works much less how it is with farang guys n thai gals here but you are really serious about finding the right situation & hope or wish it could be her and see how it goes... the idea is you can't just go visit a lass' family intending to be with her empty-handed. you are being invited because she's going all-in by even bringing you there. Money being discussed or agreed upon is part of the whole trade thing as supposedly ladies aren't supposed to be shagging you before getitng married, so she promises them future money down and they say ok looks like we won't lose face, go ahead and enter courtship phase 2. you drink the milk you buy the cow etc etc. but let her handle it, it's too complicated.

Family will probably be around (which one's her kid?) upon your arrival and express apologies for pushing things too far... Or stay mum on the whole thing and just nod yes a lot. Inevitably, A Fish at the market will get Clubbed in the Head and brought home stuffed with herbs and you'll eat it with sticky rice & stuff & all will be forgiven. You'll enter The Vortex oops I mean village life proper-like then and be part of the Old Lady Gossip Network by nightfall.

tip: you can't make whoopie at the family house that's a no-no. she'll esc0rt you to a Local Hotel for that, where the front counter guy may feign not knowing her, stay with you till about 10pm, and then u drop her off at Family House on motorbike u rented or truck u own, & you go back to hotel & she facebook or SMS messages you six hundred thousand times till about 5AM. when at the house don't hug or touch anyone -just WAI. don't touch anyone on the head either. and don't step over anyone on the floor to get where you are going.

There's a book "Thailand Fever" just about every fella has read or at least seen... It's got a section in Thai that explains in Thai, to the girl, what's really going on, and one in English, for the guy, explaining what's going on. Both sections are totally unique to the perspective and culture of the farang guy & thai gal. It's a bit outdated as far as Sin Sod etc is concerned but oh well.

Just don't go buy a 4 million THB house for her 3 days later \:D/ \:D/

p.s. I'm sorry Market Fish but he needed advice.
Last edited by jimjay on January 30, 2017, 4:53 am, edited 7 times in total.

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