Your thoughts on this stuation

Long distance relationships, mixed relationships etc...
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nifty
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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by nifty » July 13, 2009, 9:23 pm

gooner what have you got to loose by carrying on, you are wiser now with the advice you have been given,she is not asking for money yet,you have not had to spend much on this girl yet, and you have not had to stump up a dowry yet, go see her next trip,i always say you find out a lot more on the second trip has you have had time away from her to think and assess the situation.



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747man
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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by 747man » July 13, 2009, 9:24 pm

Yep As BM Says "Don't be toooooooo Hasty "on the dumping bit,There may well be a good reason why she ain't in non sat tonight,And Yes She does have feelings too,I mean your coming anyway next month, So you've got NOTHING to lose Just wait until you can talk face to face,It's not long to wait and Maybe,Just Maybe you can sort it out.....Take it easy "Don't burn your boat too early "As it has'nt cost you hardly anything financeally,and IF you find out she has been a " Bad Girl"then it ain't going to IS IT,Just think IF you dump her now & Find out She WAS being honest with you,Theyre WILL be two BROKEN Hearts !! Take it easy Mate,I've been theyre before I found MY Good Un and we will be celebrating our 17th Anniversary next February......It's ALL About T-R-U-S-T......... :D :D :D
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Laan Yaa Mo
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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by Laan Yaa Mo » July 13, 2009, 9:27 pm

Furthermore, that great Thai philosopher, Jintara Poonlarp, has some advice for singers that mix with guests.

It is a good thing Jintara is around to give the Thai side of the equation.

Ever since the Saint made the nice observation, there has been a dramatic turnaround.


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beer monkey
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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by beer monkey » July 13, 2009, 9:31 pm

Yeah its as it the saintmeister hit the countdown on the destruct button......

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by goonersh » July 13, 2009, 9:41 pm

747man wrote:Yep As BM Says "Don't be toooooooo Hasty "on the dumping bit,There may well be a good reason why she ain't in non sat tonight,And Yes She does have feelings too,I mean your coming anyway next month, So you've got NOTHING to lose Just wait until you can talk face to face,It's not long to wait and Maybe,Just Maybe you can sort it out.....Take it easy "Don't burn your boat too early "As it has'nt cost you hardly anything financeally,and IF you find out she has been a " Bad Girl"then it ain't going to IS IT,Just think IF you dump her now & Find out She WAS being honest with you,Theyre WILL be two BROKEN Hearts !! Take it easy Mate,I've been theyre before I found MY Good Un and we will be celebrating our 17th Anniversary next February......It's ALL About T-R-U-S-T......... :D :D :D
she is in non saat!

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747man
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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by 747man » July 13, 2009, 9:46 pm

Misunderstanding, I thought you had said you had spoken to the Parents on the mobile & They said She was'nt there.......

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by goonersh » July 13, 2009, 9:57 pm

beer monkey wrote:Yeah its as it the saintmeister hit the countdown on the destruct button......
It didnt go unnoticed by me either ;-)

I feel a bit of a ba5tardo ATM... i just spoke to her again and she is pretty upset that i accused her of sleeping with lots of men for money.... and to be honest... if she did stuff in the past, who am i to judge.... i will see what happens when i get back there... all i could do tonight is say i trust her and im sorry, but i also said she should have expalined things to me a bit better.... and as i said it i realised... she probably did and i didnt understand.....

That vid above got to me as well... i guess someties we have to do stuff we dont want to... i mean i have to talk to my ex... and that makes me sick enough
;-)

and i actually said i know she is in non saat cos she sticks her parents on the phone to me, they do not seem like the travelling type

time for bed and thanks again

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by Philrjones » July 14, 2009, 7:07 am

Hi again,

400k baht is too much for sinsod. Most Thai parents see farang and think "rich". Compared to most, we are, but around 50k would seem ok. It's an irrelavant arguement that she hasn't had a bf for 3 years. Big sinsod is normally paid for those who have never been with a bloke, and the family is well off already.

As for supporting the family - a big can of worms! It will be a never ending black hole for your money and my advice is don't do it or agree to it. Normally you don't mind helping out every now and again - the odd 1000 baht here and there, but the trouble with the Thai parents (not all I admit) is that once you do it for the first time, you will be asked again and again. I don't give money to TW parents - they both work and don't expect anything from me which is great. I have given some money to TW brother who is studying and uni and has very little. But they understand that it's not a regular thing. If the parents are after big money now and then want supporting in the future, that's a big red flag. If you want to be with her, put your foot down and tell her how it's going to be. Something I learned is that the bloke is supposed to be the boss here (not like western countries) and decisions are primarily yours taking into account the TW feelings/wants etc. Weakness in this area doesn't reflect too good on you. But I don't mean be a Hitler either! You prime focus is you and your lady and your family should you have kids, not supporting her family. They've done ok up to now - don't allow things too change too much just because she's with a farang.

Trading - can never have too much capital to start with. Put your money into that instead of a big sinsod but please, PLEASE how to do it first otherwise you'll lose all your money faster than a drunk at soi cowboy/nana. It's VERY hard making money from forex, shares, cfds but you can do it. If you can start with $5000 although you can open a forex account with very little - say a few hundred. Don't expect big gains at first, and learn to be able to lose money. no trading system is 100% - you will lose and win. Education and money management is the key. Never buy a forex/trading robot to auto-pick stocks - big money lost. Learn via the net how to do it, different trading strategies and pick one that suits your style.

Cheers
Phil

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by saint » July 14, 2009, 7:23 am

beer monkey wrote:Yeah its as it the saintmeister hit the countdown on the destruct button......
hey , thats not fair !!!! what i said about the members comments still carry a lot of weight . ash may have a communication problem with his girlie , which as caused him a little concern , and planted the odd seed of doubt , but posters responses to his plight have in my view been very posative . especialy bobs . vals explanation of a thai karaoke bar were also spot on . most posters have told him to not throw in the towel just yet , and i tend to agree with them . weve all had our problems communicating with our loved one over the years , and im pretty sure in my case could continue forever !!!!! but thats another story . i still stand by my earlier comments , this is the best relationship thread , with the most posative responses ive read on here . so hang on in there ash , dont be too hasty with the quiting bit just yet , and be gentle with the interigation , if shes as genuine as you first thought , she will be hurting a little bit too . eating a little bit of humble pie carries no calories . :D :D

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by Philrjones » July 14, 2009, 7:32 am

Ooo, I just read all the posts - some really good advice given from all. You have to take your time and see how it goes. You'll find the truth in everything eventually. With an ex - I did thing like turn up in Udon from aussie without telling her to see what was happening - needless to say that relationship didn't last! I only di that as things didn't add up from our phone calls. Trust is the biggest part of it all - once the warning bell go off, it's hard to stop them ringing.

But here's some good news - my current wife who is really terrific, used to work in a bar here in Udon. In fact when I met her she was working 2 jobs - admin office job in the day, bar at night, for a total of 10k per month. We were set up by friends to meet, and all my farang mates here said - she just never goes with farang for money. Many even said they have tried (before I knew her of course!) and got nowhere. One idiot even offered her 20k baht and she still said no. She's a gem - a great Mum, great cook and homemaker. So although I'm suspicious of bar girls, singers etc, not all will do anything for money. Many are just trying to make aliving as best they can without selling themselves. There are plenty that do of course, but most of them would stop if they could get money in a more "legit" way. There are a hard core - as anywhere - who will rip you off as soon as you turn your back. But most girls here ar not - they just hear of farang being rich and parents try to jump on the bandwagon. For the parents, it's also a face thing - "our daughter has a rich farang".

Take your time, learn some more about the culture here, don't jump to any conclusions, be aware and take note of any warning bells. If something doesn't seems right, there's usually a reason, but if you really like the girl, check everything out first.

Hope that helps
Phil

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by RALPHCUSENS » July 14, 2009, 7:45 am

I consider that the two above posts above, Saint's and Phil's are spot on, and I applaud therm both. The advice they have given is realistic, relating to the pros & cons on this subject =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by rick » July 14, 2009, 9:13 am

yes, a good thread. I would just like to add, sometimes a girl/family may not tell you everything at first, because they are afraid the truth may frighten you off. My example, the prospective sister-in-law told her husband 'Do not mention Sin Sodt'. She thought i did not know about it. That was one to be brought up later!

As with everything, caution, research and do not expect to get the whole truth up front. If you keep your eyes open, you will spot the money charmers quickly, but there are plenty of sincere women out there. Bad apples exist, but my experience is they are not that common.

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papaguido
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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by papaguido » July 14, 2009, 9:21 am

Some very good advise here, this thread should be made into a sticky for easy access for all 1st timers falling in love in LOS :D

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Roy
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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by Roy » July 14, 2009, 11:37 am

I think what you are now experiencing Ash is not specific the Thai women but women in general. Who ever met a women who was 100% honest about her past from the off?? I certainly can't remember one who's story did vary over the months/years. The fact that she is Thai and you are along way from her is simply amplifying what happens in nearly all relationships.
So don't let this turn you into some seemingly untrusting, insanely jealous man as it will only serve to piss her off and drive you round the twist.
There comes a time when you have to draw a line in the sand and say to yourself that "That side off the line she was not with me therefore not relevant, this side she is with me" and should try to judge her only by her behavior from that time.
Of course her past will influence the way she is now and that could be either positively or negatively but only time will tell.
Keep your wits about you of course but try not to question every little thing as if you do the road ahead will be a bumpy one for both of you. As previously mentioned many an argument has started over something lost in translation or just because of our cultural differences so having some flexibility in your thought process's is a required skill to get through WBU.

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by Galee » July 14, 2009, 12:07 pm

I have to say I agree with Saint. This topic has been one of the best on the Map for a while. No sarky comments, no one being accused as a WUM, just honest advice.

Perhaps we should get together for a group hug. :lol:

No, on second thoughts forget that idea. :-& :-& :-&

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by souness » July 14, 2009, 12:15 pm

i think you should go softly softly with any relationship just starting out,thats just commonsense.
but i feel sorry a bit for this girl.in the space of a few days she has had her picture plastered on the internet and many aspects of her private life brought up.
its possible she is a decent girl,also possible she is not,but if she is decent how do you think she will feel about some of the items talked about her on this thread?
78 posts by the gooner in 4 days is a bit over the top imo.i know quite a few were about 9/11 conspiracy but if i had a thai girl i would not discuss her in this way.id sort it out myself not letting the world know.
also just because you are a fan of struggling arsenal doent mean you can get the sympathy vote forever.man city and everton will be above you this year gooner.ha,ha!

sean

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by goonersh » July 14, 2009, 1:30 pm

Ok, first of all Souness.... mate,i hardly think that anyone she knows will be reading this forum, and i really do not think that four of five pictures on the internet..... in the days of facebook, twitter, myspace etc... is "plastering".....This is 2009 and people put EVERYTHING about themselves online... some of the people i know have literally thousands of pictures of facebook alone... plus ALL of their personal life

I put most of my thailand pictures on facebook, and they eclipse the three or four i have placed on here. As for the 79 posts,I think that you will find that i have simply been responding toothers comments and advice and the way i see it, aknowlegment is just plain polite... 79, 2 or 2079.. it does not matter

If Kloi did happen to read any of this, she will see the same as every one else... that i love her, that i think she is wonderful... and that i have had GOOD ADVICE in helping what we have discovered together to move forward.. If it was me, i wouldbe PLEASED that someone has taken the timeto show how much they likeme, by seeking advice from their peers....so each to their own matey....you might well not want to talk to anyone... but i do

As for the rest of the wonderful comments, what can i say.... you are all being so helpful.. and so kind to someone you do not know

I have taken every single word on board.. NEITHER Of us slept very well last night and BOTH of us have said sorry to eachother about our misunderstandings....I have realised that i simply do not care if she sang in bars, or if she was flirting with men formoney.... or if she has three legs and a green head... i like her for her, and the NOW....

There are many many despicable western girls who are simply disgusting in the way they latch onto men for money... and then again there are also thoise who do not... I have decided it must be the same over there as people are people...

I am the last one to judge someone who has providedfor their family. WHATEVER they have had to do... all i can do is to malke them as happy as they make me... and make sure they NEVER have to sing in those places again

cheerz everyone again

PS, Everton and Man City above Arsenal....... are you sleep typing again? cos thats just a dream that will never be a reality in my lifetime... everton are notsvery good team and Man city wil learn that money buys nothing except debt
Last edited by goonersh on July 14, 2009, 1:36 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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747man
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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by 747man » July 14, 2009, 1:31 pm

Souness, I agree gooner seems to be TRYING to set records in posting,Maybe trying to catch Beer Monkey !!! ( Long way to go,though ) Re; Your last line " Have you FINALLY had a bit of sense knocked into you ?? "

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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by goonersh » July 14, 2009, 1:40 pm

Galee wrote:I have to say I agree with Saint. This topic has been one of the best on the Map for a while. No sarky comments, no one being accused as a WUM, just honest advice.

Perhaps we should get together for a group hug. :lol:

No, on second thoughts forget that idea. :-& :-& :-&
Ill hug a chelsea supporter only

1: for a lot of money
2: to commiserate you when we whoop your butts
3: If there were two of you, you were young female and cute

I will buy you a beer or three though....

sorry for this excessive post
;-)

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BKKSTAN
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Re: Your thoughts on this stuation

Post by BKKSTAN » July 14, 2009, 2:54 pm

I agree with Goonersch about the pictures and personal comments that you have shared about Koi!No reason to be ashamed or feel guilty as there is nothing shared that demeans her,IMO!

IMO,you have experienced the 2 major pitfalls to the new Thai/falang relationship,lack of clear effective communication and wanting to know about each others past to soon!I think it has almost become ''natural''to want to ''qualify each other because of all the scams and gamers out there,plus the fact that most of these relationships that bud during ''vacation'' seem to have an extra strong urgency about them because of the scheduled parting,but in doing so,many of these relationships are damaged from the getgo!

The girl with an honest desire to be with someone that will give her a perceived better and more secure future finds herself under scrutiny that could be very challenging to anyone(many people have past lives,sexual experiences,trials & tribulations,stupid choices etc.),let alone a girl from a culture that is extremely ''face'' conscious!!She finds herself in a position of lies by omission or fearful deception because some of her past might be a secret from her family and village,plus ,now,her prospective future mate that she may like and really want to be with, is putting on the ''squeeze''!

IMO,if trust is damaged,the relationship will be forever tainted and not as fulfilling!No one should have to reveal their ''secrets'' to a relative stranger that they do not know well enough to trust at that level,plus if she is a ''good girl'' at heart,it is all irrelevant anyway.If she is a ''gamer'',that to will be revealed with lies, deceptions,unreasonable requests,tantrums and manipulations during the relationship!Of course your responsibility is to be alert and protected while being fair and respectful!

To give this relationship a chance,I would find a way to make a clear understanding of my needs and wants.No future lies or deceptions under any circumstances, explaining that trust is the foundation to the relationship for you and that can't not be built on the past,but only in time together.During the building of that trust,you should let her know that your assets will be under your control absolutely!Without telling her so,you should not put her in the ''squeeze''by asking about her past!

You have an obligation to respect her cultural and customs,also her views!You have a financial responsibility to her future as you are getting her youthful and beauty days!You have a responsibility to respect her right to help lift her families economic status whether she works outside for the money or you supply it,plus your relationship will be much happier!

She does not have the right or ,probably,the ability to manage or control your assets,but you must be fair ,reasonable and willing to discuss her views and yours together!

Giving to much money early on ,usually leads to disaster and ever increasing requests,''needs'' and demands in the future,especially with the families.So,I would discuss and have a clear understanding about support and ''gifts''!Keep the gifts small and be firm about not making loans,supporting business ideas or schemes!

Don't try to do any of this with sign language,it is to important!

Best of luck!!! :lol:

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