How to handle a 15 year old who doesn't listen?

Post by **timmy** » February 10, 2015, 9:35 am

milkmans house , milkmans rules , end of ..... dont like the rules SHIP OUT .....

Post by **jackspratt** » February 10, 2015, 9:38 am

timmy wrote:milkmans house , milkmans rules , end of ..... dont like the rules SHIP OUT .....

Yep ......... my way or the highway ......... that usually works well with teenagers (and adults for that matter).

Post by **redwolf** » February 10, 2015, 10:02 am

It actually sounds like he's doing speed or something.

And it's not for you to wonder what the wife or relatives will do. Issue orders.

It's the only thing that's understood here. Otherwise it's time for you to move out, -to someplace quiet.

Post by **papaguido** » February 10, 2015, 12:54 pm

redwolf wrote:It actually sounds like he's doing speed or something.

And it's not for you to wonder what the wife or relatives will do. Issue orders.

It's the only thing that's understood here. Otherwise it's time for you to move out, -to someplace quiet.

priceless =D>

or maybe he's just a typical teenager...

Post by **milkman** » February 10, 2015, 12:57 pm

My wife just called her brother. Said this is the kid's last chance. (Wasn't yesterday his last chance?) My wife's mom is sick so she especially doesn't have patience with all this teenage bs.

Meanwhile found out wife's mom (his grandmother) spoke with the kid while we were gone. Told him he needs some parental supervision, should go back to live with his mom. (I'm amazed! Always thought of my wife's mom as totally clueless!) Kid said he doesn't want to go live with mom. Instead said if he can't live here, he'll go live with his friend. (This is a friend who slept over one night here- and kept him up all night talking and listening to music!) So the kid either wants to be totally free living here, or he wants to be free and even more destructive living with his friend. Either way, a mess in the making.

I want to add here I totally sympathize with those you you, like akwoodworker, who married women with sons and are having problems. For me, this is just a momentary annoyance, can't compare. And for those of you who are single, I'd say never marry anyone who has a son, as you're likely to have problems and the woman will never discipline the kid and will always choose him over you.

Post by **old-timer** » February 10, 2015, 1:30 pm

You could follow this method used on occasions by OT's wife to teach OT a lesson:
When he goes out, put all his clothes, shoes, toiletries into black refuse size bags and leave them outside on the porch.
Make sure all doors are locked and then go to bed.

OT..................... $\:D/$

Post by **marjamlew** » February 10, 2015, 5:27 pm

milkman wrote:My wife just called her brother. Said this is the kid's last chance. (Wasn't yesterday his last chance?) My wife's mom is sick so she especially doesn't have patience with all this teenage bs.

Meanwhile found out wife's mom (his grandmother) spoke with the kid while we were gone. Told him he needs some parental supervision, should go back to live with his mom. (I'm amazed! Always thought of my wife's mom as totally clueless!) Kid said he doesn't want to go live with mom. Instead said if he can't live here, he'll go live with his friend. (This is a friend who slept over one night here- and kept him up all night talking and listening to music!) So the kid either wants to be totally free living here, or he wants to be free and even more destructive living with his friend. Either way, a mess in the making.

I want to add here I totally sympathize with those you you, like akwoodworker, who married women with sons and are having problems. For me, this is just a momentary annoyance, can't compare. And for those of you who are single, I'd say never marry anyone who has a son, as you're likely to have problems and the woman will never discipline the kid and will always choose him over you.

I'd done the best part of 15 years coming and going from Thailand before I met what I believed to be a true keeper. After spending that amount of time sampling that goods I had a long list of givens for any potential life long partner. It may sound callous but for any single blokes it's worth considering. Rule one - no kids. Rule two - no brothers. Rule three - no father. Rule 4 - take your time and have fun. Rules 5 and 6 - take your time and have fun...... because it is and always will be a buyers market.
I got no answers for a pain in the butt 15 year old.

Post by **747man** » February 10, 2015, 6:31 pm

old-timer wrote:You could follow this method used on occasions by OT's wife to teach OT a lesson:
When he goes out, put all his clothes, shoes, toiletries into black refuse size bags and leave them outside on the porch.
Make sure all doors are locked and then go to bed.

OT..................... $\:D/$

Betcha You've been Bin Bagged quite a few times,Then......O.T ????

Post by **FrazeeDK** » February 10, 2015, 7:16 pm

15 and finished M. 3 (9th grade)?? He now can go live on his own and get a job... let him try that for 5-6 months and perhaps he'll grow up a bit.. Our great-nephew was in M. 4, had a falling out with his mother and on his own moved to BKK and worked for about five months in a factory.. He saw the light.. Came home, got back into high school, buckled down and pulls about a 3.75 GPA..

Post by **Jello** » February 10, 2015, 8:30 pm

Was there an agreement as to how long he will stay with you? At 15 a boy should be able to live with either of his parents, go to school in whatever town there in and take care of himself until the parent gets off work. JMHO

If the responsibility is now on you and you cant come to terms with him, maybe you should think about sending him to a boarding school.

Post by **milkman** » February 10, 2015, 11:16 pm

Tonite the kid came home at 9, and my wife told him this is the end of the line. If he plays music out loud after 9, he's out. If he laughs or talks on the Internet after 9, he's out. And he should be reasonably quiet before 9 too. She said if he thinks we're strict, he should try living with his mom- our only rule is BE QUIET! Amazing to hear this from her, I never thought she was capable of being so tough, and before this, she hasn't been. But I guess even she has had her fill of this sh. It's now after 11 and awfully quiet in his room...

My wife's brother got divorced and the kid was given a choice of who to live with. He chose the father, which effectively meant he chose to live here, as his father works out of town and just comes here on weekends. I don't know if there was an invite, or it was just assumed he was welcome, but he's not real welcome anymore!

Post by **milkman** » February 11, 2015, 10:23 am

Just thinking about how tough my wife was with the kid. These Thai girls are all so loving and sweet...but is it just an act? My wife was an IRS tax auditor before I met her. Couldn't have been all that loving and sweet on that job! When she's talked about it, made it seem she felt she was just helping people pay their taxes, but was that so? And if she's so tough with the kid, she's got it in her to be just as tough with me someday.

This just in...My wife called the kid's school and has found out he's often late. And she found out his mother knows that and didn't tell anyone! Doesn't surprise me as he stays up at least till midnite every night. Completely preventable problem as nobody is keeping the kid up at night, he's just choosing to stay up. My wife's now told her brother and they've agreed after the kid's exams later this month, he's outta here and will move in with one of his parents. Maybe- maybe- he'll be somewhat under control then. And as for me, I'll be happy to have this problem child gone. Seems to me that nature tricks us by having babies be cute and cuddly and funny and smiley. And instilling in us dreams of happy families and lovely children. But then they become not so cute, and they're expensive, and ungrateful, and at least the boys often grow up to become these nightmares. This kid's not so bad, I bet lots of you put up with plenty worse.

Post by **old-timer** » February 11, 2015, 1:57 pm

747man wrote:Betcha You've been Bin Bagged quite a few times,Then......O.T ????

More times than I can remember $\:D/$ both the UK and UT, I have a problem with coming home late.
What about you 747, there must of been times in Scouseland when your Mrs had had enough, especially with all your trips to the Land of Smiles.

Glad to hear you've found the light at the end of the tunnel milkman. The problem child will be good now and you'll be sorry to see him go. It must have been more than breaking the "absolute silence" after 9pm rule that drove you mad. That problem alone seems a petty reason to kick the young lad out of the house.

OT............. $\:D/$

Post by **GT93** » February 11, 2015, 2:12 pm

Life is way more fun with a 15 year old. Even if he or she is a problem. That's what I call living.

Post by **milkman** » February 13, 2015, 4:07 pm

Problem solved...for now. The kid has been terrific. He's been reading, doing his homework. He's been quiet, repectful. No more music blarring from his bedroom, no more loud talk and howling and laughing as he talks endlessly on the Internet. Now, when he uses my wife's parents' bathroom and they're sleeping, he no longer turns on his radio full blast- or at all. When he looks for water in their bedroom while they're sleeping, he no longer turns on their light. His lights have been out by 11 the last two nights, and he's left the house in time to make it to his first class on time. He's made it a point to say hello to me and wai me respectfully. He is a new boy!

What does this tell me? That when the Thai's - especially the women - impose some discipline on their sons, they'll shape up- and be a million times better off for it. Only when my wife finally told him, "Look, this is the end of the line. You either obey the rules around here or we're kicking you out"- that's when he shaped up and only then. I'm always hearing from friends how their wives are endlessly "protecting" their sons, giving them money even though they don't and won't work, giving them places to stay though they just lie around all day. If they're in school, letting them go without doing homework, wihout studying. I've even got friends where the kid is getting drunk and sniffing glue- and mom is still sending the kid money and imposing no rules. One friend tells me there are single women all over his area doing this. Their husbands or boyfriends have left in disgust, yet they persist in "protecting" their sons.

Anyway, I realize it's only been a few days, but this tells me that if we could get our women to join us in imposing some discipline on our sons, they really could shape up and become men we and they could be proud of. Any opinions?

Post by **Shado** » February 13, 2015, 4:17 pm

I believe jackspratt pretty well nailed it on page one of this topic.

"Whatever you try to do, it will only work if your wife is onside with you."

Post by **Hoopoe** » February 15, 2015, 1:23 pm

Jackspratt did nail it ,,,i went through this sort of sh-te ,but ended it differently ,1st , wife & i together tried to educate said 13yr old,about the way he behaved, she was always backing down ( here's 100 bht go & play sort of thing)i objected to it ,so i stayed out of it ,( with the words ,when youv'e had enough let me know and get out of the way )this went on and on ,Yabba police etc etc,everytime he did a runner it was to some part of the family , so slowly i closed all the escape route's ( not their problem ,)3 years later more and more nonsense , the wife says she need's my help,OK here we go ,got the little nonsense sat him down for the last time,read out all the problems he'd caused ( not just to us but the inlaws as well)and bounced his ass down the road,to the relief of everyone ,he's 100 percent better now , works in a top BKK hotel tossing cocktails ,when he visit's always polite and curteous ,Having been a stepson myself and not wanting to make the mistakes he made ,but sometimes youv'e got to be hard to be kind ,

Post by **old-timer** » February 15, 2015, 3:28 pm

milkman wrote:Problem solved...for now. The kid has been terrific. He's been reading, doing his homework. He's been quiet, repectful. No more music blarring from his bedroom, no more loud talk and howling and laughing as he talks endlessly on the Internet. Now, when he uses my wife's parents' bathroom and they're sleeping, he no longer turns on his radio full blast- or at all. When he looks for water in their bedroom while they're sleeping, he no longer turns on their light. His lights have been out by 11 the last two nights, and he's left the house in time to make it to his first class on time. He's made it a point to say hello to me and wai me respectfully. He is a new boy!

What does this tell me? That when the Thai's - especially the women - impose some discipline on their sons, they'll shape up- and be a million times better off for it. Only when my wife finally told him, "Look, this is the end of the line. You either obey the rules around here or we're kicking you out"- that's when he shaped up and only then. I'm always hearing from friends how their wives are endlessly "protecting" their sons, giving them money even though they don't and won't work, giving them places to stay though they just lie around all day. If they're in school, letting them go without doing homework, wihout studying. I've even got friends where the kid is getting drunk and sniffing glue- and mom is still sending the kid money and imposing no rules. One friend tells me there are single women all over his area doing this. Their husbands or boyfriends have left in disgust, yet they persist in "protecting" their sons.

Anyway, I realize it's only been a few days, but this tells me that if we could get our women to join us in imposing some discipline on our sons, they really could shape up and become men we and they could be proud of. Any opinions?

Glad to hear you're problem child has come good. All's well that ends well.

OT............ $\:D/$

Post by **milkman** » February 20, 2015, 2:20 pm

Yes, a miracle has happened and the kid has become good and stayed good! Hell on earth has become heaven!

Just one problem: The kid still isn't studying. Still isn't learning anything. Doesn't do homework. Is again staying up late. Yeah, he's quiet, which I suppose is all I should care about. But now he's a quiet kid who's quietly playing video games. Or quietly reading comics. What sort of future will he have? I no longer care so much, but I still care a little, if only in the abstract about a potential that's being wasted.

I've suggested to my wife that she talk with her brother (boy's father) and his now-former wife and get the kid to live with one of them anyway, even though he's quiet. She says her brother says if the kid doesn't want to do homework, he won't do it if he lives with him or if he stays where he is, so might as well leave him where he is. This to me is a complete abdication of what a father is! A father's suppose to try to influence his kid to follow a good path. My personal opinion is, if the kid were to do some reading or homework, the next day he'd know something about what the teacher was talking about and might be inspired to do some more homework. But it takes that initial push to get him started.

Any thoughts?

Post by **747man** » February 20, 2015, 4:06 pm

My Thoughts.....The Kids Father is PLAYING on you,Afterall you've provided a roof over the Kids head, You are Feeding Him,IS The Father Helping you out in any way.....