Consolidated Joke Thread

Post your thoughts here if you are not sure where to post it!
Post Reply
User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 3, 2022, 11:35 pm

Think about this it's very Subtle....

McDonald’s are bringing out the Prince Andrew burger.

It’s a 62 year old piece of meat inside 16 year old buns.



User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 4, 2022, 8:22 pm

What do women have in common with worms?

They both wriggle when you eat them.

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 5, 2022, 3:37 pm

Another Very Subtle one for you....
FR-GqJyXsAITWUf.jpg

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 5, 2022, 3:42 pm

FR7LExMXsAQQnYs.jpg
FR7LExMXsAQQnYs.jpg (22.05 KiB) Viewed 2693 times
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 6, 2022, 11:18 am

FR-1ZWxWQAYX3N6.jpg

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Cosolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » May 10, 2022, 7:16 pm

The Wife was watching a cookery show last night on TV so I said to her “Why the hell are you watching that as you can't cook?"
She said "well you watch porn you fat bastard..."

User avatar
tamada
udonmap.com
Posts: 17220
Joined: February 21, 2007, 4:03 am
Location: Down two...then left

Re: Cosolidated Jokes

Post by tamada » May 10, 2022, 9:20 pm

The Consolidated Joke thread is in the Open Forum.

Hope this helps.
'Don't waste your words on people who deserve your silence'
~Reinhold Messner~

'You don't have to be afraid of everything you don't understand'
~Louise Perica~

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 19114
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Cosolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » May 10, 2022, 9:30 pm

Another misdemeanor like that 747 man and its to the Consolidated Championship Jokes thread for you [-X [-X [-X

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Cosolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » May 11, 2022, 10:50 am

tamada wrote:
May 10, 2022, 9:20 pm
The Consolidated Joke thread is in the Open Forum.

Hope this helps.
Ahhh !! O.K. Tam I Just Found it Thank You....

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Cosolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » May 11, 2022, 10:52 am

stattointhailand wrote:
May 10, 2022, 9:30 pm
Another misdemeanor like that 747 man and its to the Consolidated Championship Jokes thread for you [-X [-X [-X
Yes Boss, You have My CONSOLIDATED Apology.....Carry on with the SAW Sharpening Now.... :lol: :lol:

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 19114
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » May 11, 2022, 1:14 pm

sick.png

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 13, 2022, 12:15 pm

THIS IS A MUST READ.......BRILLIANT 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Weight Loss Program.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."
He lost 33 lbs that week.

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 19114
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » May 17, 2022, 1:18 pm

Polydeism.png

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 19114
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » May 18, 2022, 4:37 pm

Trumps golf course rules

Mulligan.png

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 19114
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » June 13, 2022, 1:38 pm

potatoes.png

pipadoo
udonmap.com
Posts: 227
Joined: March 12, 2017, 7:25 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by pipadoo » June 16, 2022, 4:27 pm

Firstly, THANK YOU EVERYONE for your concern.

I'm ok, but quite shaken up, but I'll be ok. For those of you who don't know what happened, | was robbed at the petrol station.

I got myself together after it happened, my hands were still shaking, I was dizzy and I was probably in shock.

My money was gone. I called the police, they were fantastic and called for an ambulance as my blood pressure was through the roof.

The police asked me if I knew who did it, and
I told them "Yes, it was petrol pump number 4 !!!!!!!!”

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 17, 2022, 9:21 am

BREAKING NEWS : Doris the tea lady was due for a new contract from West Ham with a two Bob a month raise

But in the last 15 minutes Newcastle have made a last minute bid. Offering double the raise and a new tea cart

Doris’s Agent says she’s undecided......555 ! This one for Statto !!!!

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 18, 2022, 6:14 pm

Ann Summers have announced it is going to sell lager flavoured gel that is 5.3% alcohol, for women to rub on their fannies, in a bid to encourage more men to perform oral sex. Campaigners have condemned the move because of fears that it will lead to 24-hour minge drinking!..

User avatar
Earnest
udonmap.com
Posts: 4331
Joined: January 14, 2014, 3:56 am

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by Earnest » June 18, 2022, 9:54 pm

Have you nicked a Mick Miller joke or is that from your gag book, Alan?
This message has been submitted successfully, but it will need to be approved by a moderator before it is publicly viewable. You will be notified when your post has been approved.

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 19114
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » June 18, 2022, 11:29 pm

More like Glen Miller........ leaves you "In the mood" to dive in front of the "Chattanooga choo choo"

Post Reply

Return to “Open Forum”