Consolidated Joke Thread
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air and handed it back.
“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks.. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a
wonderful time
.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The bloke was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every man you meet?”
“No,” she replies.
( The suspense is killing you, isn't it )
She said .........
"You're just the first man who happened to catch my eye."
Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air and handed it back.
“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks.. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a
wonderful time
.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The bloke was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every man you meet?”
“No,” she replies.
( The suspense is killing you, isn't it )
She said .........
"You're just the first man who happened to catch my eye."
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, 'We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.'
The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the old country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'
The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'
The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.'
The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first.'
The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the old country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'
The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'
The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.'
The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first.'
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
It's time for the annual school dance, and this boy with a wooden eye is having problems getting a date. After being rejected by multiple girls, he settles on one girl that also has an impaired physical appearance, except she has a deformed top lip of her mouth.
She says yes and when the school dance comes around after a couple of days they go together.
She is not very good at keeping conversation and the boy has always been sort of awkward because people would always make fun of him. Eventually he musters up enough confidence and turns to the girl.
"Would you care to dance?" he says nervously.
She replies ecstatically, "WOULD I?"
The guy yells back "HAIR LIP!"
She says yes and when the school dance comes around after a couple of days they go together.
She is not very good at keeping conversation and the boy has always been sort of awkward because people would always make fun of him. Eventually he musters up enough confidence and turns to the girl.
"Would you care to dance?" he says nervously.
She replies ecstatically, "WOULD I?"
The guy yells back "HAIR LIP!"
Ashli Babbitt -- SAY HER NAME!
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Giggle wrote: ↑April 18, 2021, 9:03 amIt's time for the annual school dance, and this boy with a wooden eye is having problems getting a date. After being rejected by multiple girls, he settles on one girl that also has an impaired physical appearance, except she has a deformed top lip of her mouth.
She says yes and when the school dance comes around after a couple of days they go together.
She is not very good at keeping conversation and the boy has always been sort of awkward because people would always make fun of him. Eventually he musters up enough confidence and turns to the girl.
"Would you care to dance?" he says nervously.
She replies ecstatically, "WOULD I?"
The guy yells back "HAIR LIP!"
SICKO SAD JOKE BUT ... LMFHO
Claret n Blue all way thru .. Up the Iron
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
A Jewish mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
Nooo so what are you doing Sarale?" she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, " Mama - I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.
"What are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The daughter replied, " Abba - I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.
"So Chaim what are you doing?" she exclaimed.
He replied............"Watching the game with my son-in-law."
Nooo so what are you doing Sarale?" she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, " Mama - I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.
"What are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The daughter replied, " Abba - I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.
"So Chaim what are you doing?" she exclaimed.
He replied............"Watching the game with my son-in-law."
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
this morning when it was still half dark my wife went out, to scream waking up half the neighborhood ...
meanwhile the culprit was hiding in the bushes