Consolidated Joke Thread

Post your thoughts here if you are not sure where to post it!
Post Reply
User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 19114
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » October 10, 2022, 8:29 pm

net.png



User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 19114
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » October 10, 2022, 8:39 pm

Hillbilly Moms Letter

Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.

Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or girls so dont know if you are an Aunt or Uncle???

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned.

We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup.

One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety.

The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down.

Not much more news this time.

Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.

Love, Mom

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 19114
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » October 10, 2022, 8:45 pm

off.png

User avatar
vidmaster
udonmap.com
Posts: 1062
Joined: August 18, 2013, 3:15 am

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » October 11, 2022, 9:40 pm

Unfortunately totally correct 🥸

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » October 12, 2022, 8:03 pm

311466969_5835629223155195_5774020215884263519_n.jpg

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » October 13, 2022, 4:25 pm

310892966_1039762626693351_184360726452487420_n.jpg

User avatar
vidmaster
udonmap.com
Posts: 1062
Joined: August 18, 2013, 3:15 am

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » October 14, 2022, 10:22 am

Ok
Attachments
FDD91EC2-E00B-4A25-B00D-994179E3479D.jpeg

User avatar
vidmaster
udonmap.com
Posts: 1062
Joined: August 18, 2013, 3:15 am

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » October 14, 2022, 7:03 pm

True legend 😎👍
Attachments
F65B224B-D5C8-459E-9D72-B83A8E9FEB63.jpeg

User avatar
jackspratt
udonmap.com
Posts: 16079
Joined: July 2, 2006, 5:29 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by jackspratt » October 14, 2022, 8:25 pm

vidmaster wrote:
October 14, 2022, 10:22 am
Ok
Loved this one, vid.

Can you post it again next month?

User avatar
vidmaster
udonmap.com
Posts: 1062
Joined: August 18, 2013, 3:15 am

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » October 14, 2022, 10:03 pm

Apologies but another Senior Moment 😌😫🥸

User avatar
jackspratt
udonmap.com
Posts: 16079
Joined: July 2, 2006, 5:29 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by jackspratt » October 14, 2022, 10:35 pm

Haven't we all. :?

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » October 15, 2022, 4:16 pm

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past...
For this, i will give you a life span of twenty years"...
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten"...? An God saw it was good...
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span"...
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years...? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did"...? An God, again saw it was good...
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, i will give you a life span of sixty years"...
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty"...?
An God agreed it was good....
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years"...
But the human said, "Only twenty years...? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay"...
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it".
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves...
For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family...
For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren...
An for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone...
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I'm doing it as a public service.
If you are looking for me i will be on the front porch...

User avatar
Stantheman
udonmap.com
Posts: 1484
Joined: February 9, 2009, 3:33 am
Location: USA (For Now)

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by Stantheman » October 18, 2022, 5:22 pm

FB_IMG_1666088283172.jpg

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » October 18, 2022, 7:18 pm

I was pulled over by the police whilst driving, but was dying for a piss, so I did it in a coke can. The police asked what was in the can...
I am now being done for possession of canapiss!
Last edited by 747man on October 19, 2022, 8:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » October 18, 2022, 7:19 pm

I went to the police station and stole the can, later they caught me and I was done for taking the piss.

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » October 19, 2022, 8:48 am

Little Johnny.......

Little Johnny was passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeked in and caught his folks in The Act.
Before his dad could even react, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, Daddy agreed.
Johnny hopped on and Daddy started going to town. Pretty soon Mommy started moaning and gasping.
Johnny cried out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » October 19, 2022, 9:42 am

311830835_473802648113850_7467071554184529473_n.jpg
:lol: :lol: :lol:

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » October 19, 2022, 1:28 pm

53519602_593751644368362_4435311743308136448_n.jpg

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » October 19, 2022, 1:32 pm

Deoa3ivXUAAY6GM.jpg

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 15135
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » October 19, 2022, 1:34 pm

Here Yer Go Desiree......555 !!...
D8OGMFAW4AAzbBj.jpg

Post Reply

Return to “Open Forum”