Consolidated Joke Thread
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
'Don't waste your words on people who deserve your silence'
~Reinhold Messner~
'You don't have to be afraid of everything you don't understand'
~Louise Perica~
~Reinhold Messner~
'You don't have to be afraid of everything you don't understand'
~Louise Perica~
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
I haven't a scooby doo, Alan. Let Tam advise you as he's had the benefit of a Scottish education.
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
The earth takes 365 and a bit ( about a quarter) days to circle round the sun. If the year was only 365 days over a few centuries the seasons would slowly shift until winter would actually happen earlier and earlier until it happened in Autumn. That is why we have leap years, and every 400 years, also miss one leap year. That keeps the seasons at the same time of the year. That's no joke.
- stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
If you thimk that bloody insane, try and find a sensible reason to keep daylight saving time .......no b*llsj*t about farmers
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Taken sometime last night someone running round Goodison Park dressed as a trophy to scare all the Evertonians
laughing at the occasional visitor and failed taxi drivers
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
No, I'm saying I don't know.
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
An elderly man living alone in Scotland wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison (strange ways) Manchester . The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Paul,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Paul.
At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
TRUE STORY
Dear Paul,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Paul.
At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
TRUE STORY
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Ha, ha, yes, very good.
And you say it's true? Maybe it should have been added to Doo Doo's 'really happened' thread.
And you say it's true? Maybe it should have been added to Doo Doo's 'really happened' thread.
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- Drunk Monkey
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Claret n Blue all way thru .. Up the Iron
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Ha, ha, yes, saucy!
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- stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Getting near the advent calendar season, so a quick reminder to avoid buying the Microsoft advent calendar, as every time you open too many windows the whole lot shut for no apparent reason.
Also the Jehovah witness calendar, where every time you open a door there's someone there telling you to f*** off
Just been advised that the Eton Old Boys advent calendar goes on sale this week, you dont have to do anything as daddies friends will open all the doors for you
Also the Jehovah witness calendar, where every time you open a door there's someone there telling you to f*** off
Just been advised that the Eton Old Boys advent calendar goes on sale this week, you dont have to do anything as daddies friends will open all the doors for you
Last edited by stattointhailand on November 9, 2021, 1:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
- Drunk Monkey
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Claret n Blue all way thru .. Up the Iron
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
There was a young man from Brighton
Who thought he’d at last found a tight ‘un.
He said, “Oh my love,
It fits like a glove.”
Said she, “But you’re not in the right ‘un.
Sorry!
Who thought he’d at last found a tight ‘un.
He said, “Oh my love,
It fits like a glove.”
Said she, “But you’re not in the right ‘un.
Sorry!
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Ho, ho, yes, very good, Alan. I'd have a hard time bettering that one.
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Pheeewwww !!