Consolidated Joke Thread

[747man]

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
If you don't forward this you have no sense of humour.

[stattointhailand]

[stattointhailand]

What do you get when you cross the Queen and Prince Charles?






Killed in a tunnel

[dezzer111]

Everton,what a joke

[stattointhailand]

22% of Liverpool fans are currently in Liverpool ......... the other 78% are in various other remand centres round the country

[747man]

Everton,what a joke

Yeah,O.K. Mr TEFAL !!!

[dezzer111]

Everton,what a joke

Yeah,O.K. Mr TEFAL !!!

Come on,Palace.lol

[Earnest]

Right.

I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.

Good luck!

[747man]

Right.

I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.

Good luck!

Tefal is a Disgrace,How is he posting on This Thread, Coz he Ain't one bit Funny....

[dezzer111]

Right.

I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.

Good luck!

Tefal is a Disgrace,How is he posting on This Thread, Coz he Ain't one bit Funny....

He he he that's funny Lilac.

[tamada]

Right.

I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.

Good luck!

Tefal is a Disgrace,How is he posting on This Thread, Coz he Ain't one bit Funny....

Looks like our Desiree is getting out more, no? That's now maybe four threads she's been leaving a damp spot on?

[747man]

Right.

I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.

Good luck!

Tefal is a Disgrace,How is he posting on This Thread, Coz he Ain't one bit Funny....

He he he that's funny Lilac.

But YOU Aren't Desiree....555 !

[dezzer111]

Right.

I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.

Good luck!

Tefal is a Disgrace,How is he posting on This Thread, Coz he Ain't one bit Funny....

He he he that's funny Lilac.

But YOU Aren't Desiree....555 !

He he he the Bluenoses what a joke they are pathetic.

[GT93]

22% of Liverpool fans are currently in Liverpool ......... the other 78% are in various other remand centres round the country

Excellent.

[stattointhailand]

J2.png (209.61 KiB) Viewed 3063 times

[tamada]

^ That sir, is priceless.

[747man]

This One is for You, Desiree......

[747man]

But This was Too Good to Lose.....

Thanks to everyone for their concern.
First off, I'm OK though I was a bit shook up.
If you don't already know, I was robbed at Tesco's petrol station earlier this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money's gone, however.
The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them, "Yes, it was pump number 1."

[stattointhailand]

[747man]

A tourist
Stopped me
In Oxford
Street and
Asked the
Best way to
Selfridges ?
I told him to
Put them on
eBay!