school bully(ies) in Udon

[Rono]

Hi there, Need some thoughts about this topic.
The story :Yesterday we got a complain from a mother that our (step) grand daughter,7 years, po 2, staying with us 24/7, borrowed money from her child with the threat that if she talked about it, she would be killed.(!!??) Flabbergasted we interrogate her, after first letting her apologize right away to the parent and the friend. Borrowing money to buy kannom, should not be necessary because she gets her 20 bath every morning when leaving for school! Then I realized I had noticed something different when she came home yesterday and quietly starting her homework, without talking too much, as she normally does. Anyway, later on when going to bed, she confessed that she was forced to do that. Someone seems to force pocket money out of them and if it is not enough force them, with all kinds of threats, to borrow it from a friend and telling the friend they would be killed, if they tell their or her parents. Now my first reaction/thoughts was to go there this morning and beat the living hell out or into him(them?). My question now is: should I let the Thai parents/teachers/police??? sort this out or should I as the farang interfere in any way?? your thoughts???

[Aardvark]

Report it to the Teachers and then stay out of it …

[GT93]

Are you going to go beat up another 7 year old or perhaps an older child? Crazy.

[jai yen yen]

I would tell the police, let your Thai wife do it. You are better off staying out of it.

[Lone Star]

.

I agree with both Aardvark and jai yen yen.

File a police report regarding it and notify teachers. Include in the police report that you have notified the appropriate teachers/admins at the school.

Most important: Let your wife do the talking.

[Giggle]

The Thai parent of the kid extorted by the farang-influenced kid had no problem going straight to the (grand) parents. Why shouldn't that kid's (grand) parents go straight to the extortionist and his parents at the next level up? The crime is identical. The girl is his step-grand daughter and somehow all the rules change because there's a farang involved, however spurious?

Where are the parents?

[Mosquito]

For what it's worth.

1. You'd have to assume the teachers know about it, but are to immune/lazy to do anything about it.
Sorry, not a blanket statement. I'm sure the granddaughter knows of 1 or 2 teachers that are capable of
helping with the situation.
2. Did you get the names and ages of the bullies, their family background also plays a part.
3. Assume they are also extorting other kids, get their names and possibly family contact info. 2 or more families complaining about the problem will be more effective and also prevents your granddaughter from being singled out.

Thus, you have enough details and support to have the wife(s)/parents. address the issue with the teachers/director of the school.

Obviously that's just the start and preventive measure will be required to ensure any retaliation is prevented.

If the above doesn't work, then next step would most likely be an official police report. Be sure to keep records of your actions (more likely have the wife keep records), and any statements made by anyone involved that would help you should things escalate.

[dragonz]

I was just about to write about this . My oldest boy 10 has changed this term and never looks happy to go to school (christian school )and has become withdrawn .
I questioned him about it last week and he finally told me there is a boy in his class who basically is a bully . My boy and a few of his friends finish class at 3.30pm but the bus does not come until 5pm so they used to play football . He tells me that this boy in his class decides if they can play football or not . The other day he told them they could not and they had to play a card game with him . When my boys friend complained he was hit and crying .
My boy says he has been doing it for months and the teacher knows and tells the bully to stop hitting the kids but does nothing . My wife phoned here and told her we would go to the head , the police and inform the boys parents so she said she would stop it but my boys says it is still the same .
I am not sure what to do as if i complain and they do nothing it could make it worse for my boy .I know who the boy is , the biggest boy in the class . I am wary of going there in case i lose my temper but do not want to move him from the school as he has been going there since he was 4.
Normally a threat of social media would do the trick but because of the defamation laws i am also wary of that .

[tamada]

Not an Udon school, but my friend's daughter who has learning difficulties was exposed to cyber bullying which wasn't discovered until her behavioral changes at home became far more than just teenage angst. The evidence tearfully produced on her FB account showed that a school teacher was also complicit in this abuse.

Armed with the evidence on his daughters smartphone, he and his wife initially filed a report with the local police but all agreed that the parents would approach the school first. The school management evinced shock but typically spoke much about jai yen yen and how hard it is to take care of teenagers but when pressed on how to resolve this, they claimed lack of evidence before suggesting maybe his daughter initiated the abuse. At that point he produced the smartphone and his wife produced the police report that included print outs of the abuse. After a quick, behind doors discussion, the school authorities came back a lot more contrite, attempted to summons the teacher who suddenly wasn't at work that day and then proceeded to offer refunds on fees. My friend and his wife agreed but wanted this in writing. They went back by appointment to get this letter and waited an hour or so for the cashier to transfer the funds to their bank account after which the withdrew their daughter from the school.

[tamada]

A couple of years back, my son mentioned that a few kids would 'beat up' on other kids for their daily allowances. I stressed that if they start picking on him, he goes to the teacher first and tell me and Mrs tam so we can follow up.

Beyond any obvious cuts or bruises, the latter most likely inflicted on parts of the body that's covered by regular clothing, watching out for behavioral changes are pretty much the only way of spotting if your kid is being similarly intimidated. Somewhat unrelated changes like suddenly missing out on doing homework when it was easily done before. Requests for more money with excuses that the school food is bad and pre-school or after-school shopping at 7-eleven is better. Ask them what they had for lunch... and check if that was what was served (some bullies will take another kids food AND money). The reason for any sudden requests to change the times for school drop-off or pick-up needs to be thoroughly vetted and observed.

[Rono]

Thank you all for your comments. Quick report. We(that is the wife!, cause like some of you also suggested, I stayed close but out of it) notified the teacher(s) and the parents, and they all had a good talk with the "students' and the bully. Maybe we should have asked for reactions from the school in writing, but didn't after all promised they would make sure this does not happen again. The wife also had a serious talk with the bully, and only got a little mad when the culprit stammered:"I was only joking around" JOKING AROUND?! but took and kept the money!?. The wife made clear that she was not "joking"! and if there ever was a next time, or repercussions in any form, it would become a police matter. And if that didn't not help . . . . .. Like Tamada suggested, we will have to keep a close watch on granddaughter's behaviour for a while. I think any change will be easily noticed, because normally she's always happy and can talk enough for an hour in only 15 minutes, even if she is alone and pretending to be a teacher or police agent or parent

[Giggle]

Do you think a Thai parent should feel compelled to "stay out of it" if this happened in Germany, America or Brazil?
Absolute nonsense.

[Barney]

Thanks for reaching out Rono and the subsequent feedback on a very topical subject.

Don’t worry about trolls questioning your first reaction and wanting to beat up a child. That post in itself is crazy. It is only human nature to first up want to seek retribution, but as you showed it is not what we do and was only a fleeting parental protectionist reaction for our little ones.
A swift result for you from the school and hopefully the face to face with that bully will change their ways. Time will tell.
Can you just clarify the age of your grandchild. Is she 7yr old or is she in year 7 at school??

If she is only 7yr old then that puts a whole new perspective on the extortion and bullying issue.
I have a 12 nearly 13yr old step daughter and I was recently at home in Udon on one of my short work R&R periods, these are usually a good bonding time for us 2. Maybe because she can con me for things mum won’t buy. That’s what dads are for. I've never had a daughter before, only boys in Australia. It’s a new and enjoyable experience for me watching a girl grow up. Been 10 years as the dad now.
Any way she and her mother have been watching a Thai TV show called Hormones. It was made a few years ago about 2014. It is a series about senior Thai high school kids and their different stories, scenarios of growing up. Ranging from the usual BF /GF interaction, running away, gangs and fights with weapons, pregnancy etc. But one time I was more interested in watching was a bullying issue and a girl being viciously beaten in the toilet by a group and in particular one jealous girl, all while the other supporters of the bully stood around and filmed it. I suppose the same issue happening around the world. I was shocked to see this on a TV show for teenagers, maybe I’m out of touch. But after seeing this graphic beating it led me to question my daughter over dinner about her school and any bullying amongst the girls. She is at Satri Rachinuthit Girls School. There are thousands of girl in the one school. It is her first year and she told me she has not seen any fights or bullying for that matter etc. On further questions the only small insignificant problem is some older girls come to their school room during lunch and take over during this period. My girl and her mates just leave when this happens. So no problem. But I will always be vigilant and have now taken note to some advice provided here on watching for changes in behavior.

[Giggle]

Yep. Calling cops on a 7yo bully. Bizarre.

[Chuchi]

Thank you all for your comments. Quick report. We(that is the wife!, cause like some of you also suggested, I stayed close but out of it) notified the teacher(s) and the parents, and they all had a good talk with the "students' and the bully. Maybe we should have asked for reactions from the school in writing, but didn't after all promised they would make sure this does not happen again. The wife also had a serious talk with the bully, and only got a little mad when the culprit stammered:"I was only joking around" JOKING AROUND?! but took and kept the money!?. The wife made clear that she was not "joking"! and if there ever was a next time, or repercussions in any form, it would become a police matter. And if that didn't not help . . . . .. Like Tamada suggested, we will have to keep a close watch on granddaughter's behaviour for a while. I think any change will be easily noticed, because normally she's always happy and can talk enough for an hour in only 15 minutes, even if she is alone and pretending to be a teacher or police agent or parent

When you say the parents Rono I do hope the bully’s were there (interested in their reaction)also how long was it going on and how many were victimized. “Joking around “ 20 baht @ say 10 kids is 200 baht a day!

[Rono]

Hi Barney, thanks for the comment also. Well one thing is the same here. Me too only have boys from former marriage. No experience with girls as children.
Anyway to answer your question: the step grand daughter here is only 7 years old. And in a way sometimes i imagine other children (especially Thai children from the villages around Udon) maybe will treat her different because of me? Because I am a foreigner. My own "stupid imagination(?) I always urge her to be a Thai. I know her from birth and the thing is for instance that what i do not eat (like) from the Thai kitchen she does not like either. I eat lots of vegetables and fruits, so does she. I do not eat sugary sweets, she neither. Thai children mostly do not eat a lot of veggies and fruit and love sweet, sugary things, is my experience(?) And she likes English classes better than then the Thai languages classes at school. And, by the way, I am not a native English speaker at all, but try to teach her (and the missus) English, stating that with English you can communicate with almost everybody around the world! But, I do not want her to be different then the others at school or in her group, just a normal Thai child.
This morning telling her at school not to bother with such children or the others in the group of the bully, she answered something you see in the movies about such groups of school children and teenagers. She said: then I risk not having any(many?) friends! So up till now "normal as normal can be
But it went well(?) this morning and as others suggested we will have to watch if her behaviour changes so we can act right away.

And Chuchi, It did not seem to be going on for a long time and yes the bully was present. So the granddaughter and two others!! could point out who it was. Also some other parents and the teacher. I did not go into the school when this was taking place, stayed wisely away! Typically, the bullies parent was not present. Only the victims parents were there. The reaction of one of the parent seemed to be : "So do Children play, let us not make too much out of it". I think she does not realize, that not nipping this in the bud, can lead to more serious events